The grace of the Guru and the proximity to the Guru gave me the confidence and the faith to surrender.

CONVERSATIONS WITH ANNAMALAI SWAMI

Q: On several occasions, I have listened to Swami tell stories about the time he spent with Bhagavan. Whenever I hear them I am always impressed with the amount of faith that Swami had in Bhagavan. It seems to me, as I listen to these stories, that it was this faith which enabled Swami to surrender so completely.

AS: he grace of the Guru and the proximity to the Guru  me the confidence and the faith to surrender.

Q: Your faith was so strong that I found myself crying when I heard some of the stories. I was so touched by them.

AS: Now that you are talking about surrender, I am suddenly reminded of one incident in the ashram which gave me an opportunity to surrender to Bhagavan.

Once, early in the morning, Bhagavan was cutting banana flowers in the kitchen. These banana flowers, when cut, release a black gum-like substance which sticks to the fingers.

To remove this gum Bhagavan had rubbed some tamarind into his hands. Then, for some reason, he decided to go for a walk near the foot of the hill. I met him, at about 7 a.m., just outside the back gate. Bhagavan noticed that I had a kamandalu [water pot] in my hand and asked me to pour some water into his hands so that he could wash the remains of the tamarind off them.

Thinking that this was a good opportunity to offer myself to Bhagavan, I said to myself as I poured a little water into his hands, “I am surrendering my body, soul, and mind to the Guru”.

Bhagavan smiled and indicated with a gesture that he needed more water.
I poured a little more, repeating the same thought:
“I am surrendering my body, mind, and soul to the Guru.”

Bhagavan was still not satisfied with my offer. 'More!' he said. For the third time, I poured the water and repeated the same phrase.

After this third pouring, and the third offer of surrender.
Bhagavan looked at me and said, ’Enough'. I felt that my offer of surrender had been accepted.

- LWB p. 355